This is me, this is who I am

STARRING
ALAN ALDA as Hawkeye Pierce

WAYNE ROGERS as Trapper John McIntyre

MCLEAN STEVENSON as Henry Blake

LARRY LINVILLE as Frank Burns

LORETTA SWIT as Margaret Houlihan

GARY BURGHOFF as Radar O'Reilly

WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER as Fr. Mulcahy

JAMIE FARR as Klinger

MIKE FARRELL as B. J. Hunnicutt

HARRY MORGAN as Col. Potter

DAVID OGDEN STIERS as Charles Emerson Winchester III

QUOTES

Klinger: Colonel, I missed you.
Potter: No.
Klinger: My double vision's coming back.
Potter: No.
Klinger: About my heart murmur sir.
Potter: No.
Klinger: I've fallen in love with a goat.
Potter: No.
Klinger: It's good to have you back sir.

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B. J.: I got as far as Guam and all flights are canceled, nothing going in or out. I'm sitting there in this crummy officers club, and this guy comes up to me, and says, "You Hunnicutt the doctor?" Now, I didn't like the sound of that, so I said, "No, not me, pal, I'm Hunnicutt the chaplain." He says, "Well, chaplain, you'd better start praying for a miracle, because you're going back to Korea to do surgery." I was a third of the way home.

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Hawkeye: Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'LL say it. Maybe you're right, maybe we WILL see each other again, but just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you; whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you.
B. J.: Whenever I smell month-old socks, I'll think of YOU.
Hawkeye: Or the next time somebody nails my shoe to the floor...
B. J.: ...or when somebody gives me a martini that tastes like lighter fluid.
Hawkeye: I'll miss you.
B. J.: I'll miss YOU. A lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here.

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Margaret: Those two, they're ruining this war, for all of us!

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Hawkeye: Hey, Ho-Jon, come here. I got a letter from Dean Lodge.
Trapper: Is that a good place to stay?

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Hawkeye: Henry, you have no idea what it's like sharing a tent with a guy who thinks he's all twelve disciples!

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Hawkeye: You know we gotta do it someday: throw away all the guns and invite all the jokers from the north and the south for a cocktail party; last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war.

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Frank: What are you doing up there?
Hawkeye: I just wanted to borrow your Bible, Frank.
Frank: Since when were you interested in the Bible?
Trapper: I peeked at the end, Frank. The Devil did it.

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Frank: Your conduct in there was not only unbecoming an officer, it was equally reprehensible as a medical man!
Hawkeye: Frank, I happen to be an officer only because I foolishly opened an invitation from President Truman to come to this costume party. And as for my ability as a doctor, if you seriously question that, I'm just gonna have to challenge you to a duel.

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Frank: Pig Pen! Brothel!
Hawkeye: Here, sir!
Trapper: Yo!

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Maj. Gen. Steele: You're insubordinate!
Hawkeye: Right!
Maj. Gen. Steele: You're insolent!
Hawkeye: Right! And you're nuts!

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Blake: Come on. Let's not keep Ding Dong waiting!

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Hawkeye: Yes, good eye. This different jeep is definitely different. We picked this one up in Seoul. It was stolen from our CO
M.P. Lieutenant: What's his name?
Hawkeye: Major Burns. Major Frank Burns. Or Ferret Face. He answers to both.

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Hawkeye: Is there a doctor in the house?
Frank: What is it, Pierce?
Hawkeye: Oh, Frank, I'm glad you're here - go get a doctor.

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Hawkeye: Radar, I'm going to do something now I've rarely ever done before.
Radar: You're not going to kiss me, are you?

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Hawkeye: What if I guess your name?
B. J.: Fine.
Hawkeye: Belvidere Jehosaphat?

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Hawkeye: Was your mother Spanish?
B. J.: No.
Hawkeye: That eliminates Benito Juarez.

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Hawkeye: Who would name their kid B. J.?
B. J.: My mother, Bea Hunnicutt, and my father, Jay Hunnicutt.

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Trapper: You certainly can't learn English from an American.